April 26: An English Lesson

A few days later, my host-brother, Azat came to my room to tell me my students were here. I hadn't been expecting anyone, and was in the middle of studying. Caught off-guard, but pumping myself up to dig deep and give a good English lesson, I brought my books out into the living room.

The shy 17-year-old girl, named Bermet, who I had taught a week ago, was sitting there with her mother, the doctor. Beside them was a third guest, an tall Kyrgyz girl who introduced herself as Alina. She was 18, and much more confident with her English than Bermet.

''I am going to Florida soon,'' she said. ''Do you think we can speak in English to each other, so I can practice?''

I looked over at the doctor woman, who smiled and nodded at me. Bermet looked down at the floor, bashfully. I said that of course I can help, and we began talking.

''I believe you met my brother a few days ago?'' she asked.

Ray. Wow. This is what life in a fish bowl is like, I thought. Alina spoke surprisingly well, and could even keep up with the pace of my English when I sped it up, to emulate how Americans would sound. She told me she is moving to Pensacola to learn how to become a tattoo artist. We made plans to speak again the next evening.

When she showed up, I was ready with a conversation about some of the cultural differences between America and Kyrgyzstan. There are more than can be counted. The only thing we have in common with the Kyrgyz people, I think, is that we are both human. The similarities stop there. The way they live their lives is completely different.
Still, it's important to realize that cultural differences are neither good nor bad, but simply different—if not fascinating. That was the theme I stuck to as I shared some American customs with Alina.

I told her how men will want to shake her hand when they meet her, even though she's a woman; how nobody takes their shoes off before entering someone's home, unless they are asked to do so; and how everyone has an indoor toilet. I let her know that there are no banyas in the States, that people take showers instead, and that they bathe every day.
''I like banyas,'' she said, looking disappointed. I had to agree. A good banya is something we all look forward to. One volunteer recently claimed that you will never be cleaner than after a half hour in a banya.

''Still, we don't use them in America,'' I said. ''We shower or take baths.'' The concept of filling an entire bathtub with water just to bathe suddenly seemed wasteful.

Next, I touched on some of the differences in gender roles halfway across the world. I told her how strange it is to me here, that I am literally not allowed to help clean up after dinner. Instead, I just sit there, with the other men, while the women do the work. I told her that she will meet guys who are going to want to cook for her, and that is totally normal. Then I suggested that she stay away from fast food, because that is a reason why Americans are so fat.

''But it tastes so good!'' she said. True. I would love a cheeseburger right now.

Alina wanted to know what the people are like in America, how their minds work. I responded that people are people, no matter where you are. There will be some that you love, and some that you can't stand. Perhaps Americans are more individualistic, more independent, maybe, as a whole.

In the States, people love to do things for themselves, and women have more options, like marrying later, or staying single, without feeling as much cultural pressure. I tried to explain that, although many Americans live their entire lives near their parents, it is also widely accepted for people to move away from their parents when they become adults. I used myself, and my friends, as examples.

Also, some parents retire, and move to, well…Florida, even if their children don't come with them.

''Do you see how some Americans think?'' I asked, wrapping it up.

She nodded, and I hoped that I had represented the ideals of the United States accurately, to this one girl in this one small country tucked away in the mountains of Central Asia. She'll see, soon enough, that there are so many different types of Americans, representing so many different cultural and ethnic backgrounds, each with their own priorities, traditions, ethics, and values, that it does my country an injustice to try to generalize what its people are like.

It was a very interesting conversation, and I was surprised to hear that Alina gets on the Internet every day, and actually asked me how I can live without it, here. Some parts of this country are more modern than I expected. I am going to see a different Kyrgyzstan when I get to a village.